Great big things

Yesterday was a big day around here, you guys. Not just one of your average days where you pretend to be working but you're actually looking at websites like this (thank Kelly for that one) and trying to morph the uncontrollable laughter shooting up from your gut into actual crying, so that when your boss is all, dude, what are you doing? You can say, sorry, it's just that I love working here so much that I got all emotional.

No, yesterday was not one of those days. And I'm not going to build it up anymore because then you'll be all, what? Your daughter got her hair cut? What is this bullshit?

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THIS BULLSHIT IS. Just the most monumental thing that has ever happened to my seven-year-old IS ALL. It doesn't matter that everything that happens to her is the most monumental thing that has ever happened to her. THIS TIME IT'S FOR REAL.

(The next time and the time after that and definitely the time after that will be for real as well, but we are disregarding that for a moment so I can write this damn post.)

She has wanted to get her hair cut for about six months, but we've been having a huge problem getting this haircut scheduled. School and camp and traveling and piano lessons and then I up and leave the country for eight days. So you can imagine the build up in her brain. I would compare it to what happens in my brain when they announce a new season of "Hoarders."

OH! And a "Hoarders" marathon? You have to be delicate with me because once our DVR got too full and didn't record the eleven consecutive episodes and I ran to my room, slammed the door, and wrote in my diary about the meaninglessness of life.

I took her to my hair stylist who is fantastic with kids and has cut Leta's hair before. When I say she's fantastic with kids, I mean she does not take any crap. Is not afraid to not take any crap. And sometimes my oldest child deals with anxiety by throwing a whole bunch of crap around. There you go. Now it's a post about poop.

The end.

But really, as I have mentioned, Leta will make a very big deal out of absolutely nothing, and my hairstylist was all, ZIP IT. Except in the nicest possible way. It was magical to watch her basically tell my child to suck it while smiling and emitting visible rays of sunshine. While I have never told my child to suck it, I imagine that if I did it would not come out looking like a rainbow.

Now, you're sitting there scratching your head. Why would I be happy about someone telling my child to suck it? One, she didn't actually use those words. Two, Leta wanted a pink feather added to the cut but was worried that the application of the feather would hurt. Three, when my stylist approached Leta's head with said feather, Leta said, "OUCH! THAT HURTS." Four, without missing a beat my stylist responded, "Nice try. I'm not even touching you. Here, let's get this beautiful thing in!"

Nice try.

Because if that had been me I would have LOST IT. Would have BEEN DONE. And made a completely irrational scene because my patience tends to wane thin when it should not, and here I am admitting to losing my cool from time to time with my children. I get to the end of the day and after hearing complaints about food, clothing, the length of time it takes to practice piano, the way Marlo is looking at her, the music in the car, and the existence of the dogs, sometimes I'm like, REALLY? OUCH? You're complaining and I'm not even near your head? WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO BE SO HARD?!

And then she's asking me why I'm so mad at her and I want to punch myself.

I want to be able to say as calmly as my stylist, "Nice try." And then move forward.

I did not mean for this to turn into a therapy session! UGH! Gross!

This is supposed to be about my gorgeous (at times difficult, but who isn't?) daughter and her awesome new haircut.

(Kelly, I saw what you tweeted this morning, and yes, in fact, we plan on using Leta's head to catch dinner.)

07.15.2011 Daily, Leta, Parenthood 53 comments


  • kellyelizardbeth said:

    OH HI DOOCE, sorry, I'm just having 17,000 consecutive heart attacks.

    1.) I love that you love that KHole site; it's one of my very favorite things on the internet.

    2.) Okay, don't use her HEAD as bait, maybe just the feather when she is done with it. (She is beautiful.)

    3.) Ohmygod, I love you.

    07.15.11 - 01:52 PM / 1

  • Lauren3 said:

    Sooooo please tell Leta that stranger #43259718 of The Internet thinks she looks GORGEOUS GORGEOUS GORGEOUS.

    1000X more chic than Selena Gomez... because I think that is who the seven-year-olds like these days.

    07.15.11 - 01:54 PM / 2

  • napangel said:

    How perfect is that style for Leta?! It is PERFECT. And I love that pink feather. Leta: You are GORGEOUS.

    Making a note to use "nice try" instead of losing it. I could have been using that for 14 years now.

    07.15.11 - 02:02 PM / 4

  • blknecht said:

    Just had the same experience with my 8 year old. SAME. HAIRCUT. Buhbye to 13 in of hair, but donated to Locks of Love. Hopefully you donated Leta's too.

    07.15.11 - 02:08 PM / 5

  • TropicalPopsicle said:

    Where did baby Leta go? Look at that beautiful little girl!

    I'm already looking forward to the next time I can use "nice try" to defuse some drama. Thanks for the tip! I hope you get to use it first before Leta uses it on you!

    07.15.11 - 02:24 PM / 7

  • Irina said:

    Whoa. You do not look old enough to have a child who looks that grown-up. She's also beautiful, but that's not incongruous at all.

    07.15.11 - 02:49 PM / 12

  • MsMegan said:

    I can't help but wonder if our kids are related. My son swears up and down that cutting his finger and toe nails hurts. And he carries on to no end about it. And I have no patience for it at all.

    But yesterday... he separated his shoulder and like no one knew about it all day. Totally calm, cool and collected.

    WHAT IS THAT ABOUT!?

    P.S. - Love Leta's hair. Beautiful.

    07.15.11 - 02:58 PM / 14

  • Not So Glamorou... said:

    Ummm....Hello? Did you know that you can watch Hoarders on Netflix ANYTIME?It's my guilty pleasure. I'm 7 months preggers and I tell my husband I'm just soooo tired and need to take a rest. Then I go into my room, turn on some netflix Hoarders, and dream about all of the methodical organizing that I will do to my own house when nobody is around.

    BTW., I love love love her little bob. It's so cute. My daughter is getting a bit of a religious ring to her look right now as she refuses to wear anything but a dress or cut her hair. Maybe this little picture will inspire her.

    07.15.11 - 03:05 PM / 15

  • devoyka said:

    I just can't get over how grown up Leta is! I remember reading this site when she was born! Gah, I now feel old, lovely.

    The cut is perfect and she is absolutely a beautiful young lady.

    07.15.11 - 03:08 PM / 16

  • TigerLily said:

    Holy Hell -- When did she grow up to be such a beautiful young lady? Seems like just yesterday you were posting pictures of her in footie jammies! Leta is absolutely stunning and she can rock that pink feather like nobody's business!

    I'm not sure if her hair was long enough to donate, but because another commenter mentioned Locks of Love, I wanted to strongly encourage anyone who cares to donate hair to consider Children With Hair Loss (www.childrenwithhairloss.us). CWHL provides a lifetime of hairpieces, wigs and other items to children who suffer hair loss for ANY reason at no charge whatsoever to the recipient. Locks of Love, on the other hand, charges a fee for their hair pieces (based on a sliding scale, but still -- it's not free) and they do so on a one-time basis. Locks of Love receives so many hair donations that they throw away the vast majority of the donated hair they receive. My 11 year old daughter donated 12 inches of hair a little over a year ago and we did a lot of research before deciding to send her hair to Children With Hair Loss.

    Not trying to turn this into a sales pitch, but just wanted to mention a little-known organization that deserves a plug!

    07.15.11 - 03:27 PM / 18

  • MelissaJ said:

    i LOVE LOVE LOVE the pink feather. i want a feather too; but maybe not a pink one.

    she is such a beautiful girl. i wish i were her aunt so i could spoil her proper...LOL

    and marlo...so many times i look at her and see leta...and then sometimes i just see wild child marlo...LOL

    i would love them both to the ends of the earth.

    i am now done being a weird stalker!

    07.15.11 - 03:31 PM / 19

  • Laura Mauk said:

    More beautiful than her hair--which is totally cool and fashion forward--is the huge, satisfied smile on her face and that fact that you can see how beautiful she feels.

    I love the haircut. I love the stylist. I love the pink feather (because I would've wanted it, too). I love that you admitted you lose your cool because I've been feeling horrible about my newest uncontrolled phrase, "Stop crying," which I just read on CNN.com is one of nine things you should never say to your child. But mostly, I love Leta's glow. Congrats! Laura (http://lauramauk.blogspot.com/)

    07.15.11 - 04:21 PM / 21

  • salsamite said:

    Very sweet! The feather is fun :)
    Heather, the internal dialogue is all we have to get by some days. Speaking of which, I actually sent this to you in an email, but I did notice you don't really read your emails diligently... So here is a video I think you may appreciate, being one of us parents who admits to being a bit less than awesome sometimes (especially on the inside) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xtcB457jqQ NOW - before anyone gets all up in my grill about this, I maintain this is about INTERNAL DIALOGUE some of us not-so-perfect parents may or may not engage in. Nobody is suggesting this is the kind of thing one would say out loud to their child. This is an end of your tether kind of situation, and it's supposed to be funny - that's all. I hope you enjoy :)

    07.15.11 - 08:14 PM / 24

  • LisaAR said:

    She is absolutely stunning. Wow. In many ways, she seems to be an old soul, and now her looks have caught up!

    07.15.11 - 09:05 PM / 25

  • J. Bo said:

    I know you've taken a lot of grief over Leta's hair (second only, I'm sure, to the admonishments about Chuck's nails), but I absolutely LOVE that she actually WANTED an actual haircut. (Tho' I will miss the stories you wrote about checking on her in the night, trying to brush away her copious locks, and alarming her awake by sticking your finger in her ear.)

    Please tell her that the pink feather ROCKS. I just got my overlong hair cut off to shoulder-length, myself (when it gets caught in the car window, it's time to consider a new style), and now I feel light and free and GREAT! I hope Leta does, too.

    07.15.11 - 09:20 PM / 26

  • Scriberson said:

    I also have a wonderfully "difficult" 6 year old. She's awesome but my goodness, no one will ever use the term "compliant" to describe her. About 4 months ago she got a pink feather in her hair and was super proud to be the one bringing that style to kindergarten! First kid in her class. And it is adorable. I love that look on little girls.

    07.15.11 - 09:21 PM / 27

  • b00ph3tt3 said:

    Love it! I saw a lot of these sorts of hair extensions this past year on my seventh graders that I teach. I will say that Leta rocks this look better than any of those "big" kids do! That haircut makes her look so grown up.

    And the hair stylist sounds awesome. No nonsense.

    07.15.11 - 09:26 PM / 28

  • waybusymama said:

    Ok, yes, Leta is lovely and the haircut is wonderful... but can I take this opportunity to tell everyone that I have, indeed, once, in a moment of great parenting shame, told my eleven year old daughter to "suck it". I did it. I admit it. And I blame you, Heather Armstrong, for putting into my head :) It did, however, have the intended effect which was to get her to stop doing whatever it was she was doing and get her to listen to what I was saying for a darned minute.

    Anyone else?? Nope, just me. I figured as much.

    07.15.11 - 09:27 PM / 29

  • poopinginpeace said:

    See this is why I love and have always loved reading your blog. It makes me feel like I'm not alone in my craziness as a mother. Yesterday, I was at the end of my rope with my girls and having one of those, "why the hell did I decided to do this" kind of days. Sometimes I get worried when I feel that way, but it's so nice to know that other moms turn on their kids by the end of the day too. There's only so many ways we can try to gently and calmly tell them to stop fighting, get their shoes on, get in the car, get out of the car, eat their food, until we find ourselves in a full blown screaming "mad Mommy" outburst. I just like knowing I'm not alone. I LOVE Leta's hair, by the way. She is a beautiful girl. I would say just as beautiful as mine. I am biased you know. ;) Thanks again for doing what you do. If you're ever interested in my mommy times-the good, the bad, and the even worse, with my 3 girls I'm at http://poopinginpeace.blogspot.com/

    07.15.11 - 10:36 PM / 31

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